3. Test results

We got the trisomy test results in two days. All normal. No chromosomal abnormalities detected. Then came the aCGH test—the same, all normal. No chromosomal micro-deletions or genetic conditions detected.

The nurse who called to tell me said it was good news. But it kind of felt like no news. This didn’t mean nothing was wrong or nothing ‘abnormal’ was happening to Junebug—just that we didn’t know what.

I was so geared up to learn if it was a mutation of the FGFR3 gene, which can tell us everything from whether it’s thanataphoric dysplasia (lethal) to achondroplasia (not lethal). But nada.

We had to take it as a good sign, even if it didn’t tell us much. I took comfort in the fact that little Junebug was keeping us guessing. Cheeky little sausage. You can keep us guessing as long as you want, honeybuns.

When we first found out about skeletal dysplasia, it was like someone cracked open a door, and we peeked around to discover this entire other universe that we didn’t know existed. It was terrifying, and awe-inspiring, in equal measure. We learned about conditions and scientific breakthroughs and community groups we had no idea existed. It also showcased a world of pain and grief, unlike anything I could ever have imagined. I suddenly understood the pain that friends had experienced with miscarriage, in a whole new way. The world of pregnancy and motherhood, with all its fluffy trinkets and soft-focus stock photography, is so much more visceral, raw, complex and spectacular than I ever realised.

I’m in a due-date WhatsApp group with around 80 different women. Conversations range from constipation to breast pump brands, reusable diapers to omega supplements. Lovely, supportive new mums, lending advice and sharing experiences. But how those chats aren’t even the tippiest tip of the iceberg. It’s a little tricky to bust in with ‘HOW ARE YOU FELLOW CREATION GODDESSES DOING TODAY?’ but I wish I could. Every single baby is so incredibly precious and amazing. And I’m sure there is more than one mum who has had more than her share of difficulties and fears. I read somewhere there is always complications with pregnancy—either before, during or after.

There is so much stacked against us. It’s incredible that any of us are here at all.